When I started my self-development journey years ago, I had two thoughts:
I want to be the best version of myself I can be.
This will never work.
I desperately wanted to be someone better. Someone who wasn’t so self-conscious, constantly fearing other people’s judgment. Someone who could actually enjoy life instead of analyzing every little thing I said, did, or didn’t do. But deep down, I didn’t believe I was capable of change. I figured I was just wired this way - stuck in the same habits, same struggles, same cycles.
But I went for it anyway. I started reading books, waking up earlier, making small changes. And for a while, I felt on fire. I was journaling, working out, practicing gratitude - doing all the things that were supposed to make me feel better. And they did. Until they didn’t.
Because here’s what no one tells you about growth: it doesn’t happen in a straight line.
One day, you feel unstoppable. The next, you’re crying in your car for no reason, wondering if you’ve made any progress at all. You think you’ve moved past an old habit, only to catch yourself slipping right back into it. It’s frustrating. It’s humbling. And if you’re not careful, it’s easy to convince yourself that you’ve failed.
But the truth? Healing is not linear.
Some of the most important growth happens in the moments that feel like setbacks. Every time I found myself struggling with the same old insecurities, every time I fell into patterns I swore I’d outgrown, I had two choices: beat myself up over it, or recognize that healing doesn’t mean never struggling - it means learning how to recover faster.
And that’s what I’ve learned. The “better version” of me I was chasing? She’s not some perfect, enlightened person who never has a bad day. She’s just me, showing up, choosing growth even when it feels messy, and trusting that every setback is still a step forward.
So if you’re in a season where it feels like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back, know this: you are still moving. Keep going. Keep choosing yourself. You’re further along than you think.
And no matter how many twists and turns the journey takes, healing is still happening. Always.
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