When I decided to get sober, I knew that in order to succeed I needed to be accountable to someone other than myself. Holding myself accountable hadn't worked in the past, and I was scared that it wouldn't work this time either. So, I started attending AA meetings.
Attending Alcoholics Anonymous was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. That being said, I also think it held me back. When you attend a meeting, any time you speak you have to introduce yourself and say what your reason for attending is…
“Hi, my name is Caley, and I’m an alcoholic.”

There was one day that a woman said, “recovered alcoholic” and one of the other women stepped in and told her that this wasn’t a good mindset to have. The reason for speaking in the present tense is to avoid complacency. If you believe that you are recovered then you may stray to thinking that you are capable of drinking responsibly and end back right back where you started. As much as I disliked this, I understood it, and I accepted saying “I am an alcoholic”. Even outside of meetings I would say this if it became relevant to sharing my story.
It was only within the past month that my perspective has completely changed. Our pastor has given two sermons that have spoken directly to my heart. In both, he spoke about the purpose that God has laid out for us. He spoke about being lost in the past and being unable to lay those burdens down in order to become the person we must be to fulfill that purpose. One two occasions he said this…
Hi, my name is ____ and I’m an alcoholic. No! Not I’m an alcoholic. Not I’m an addict. Not I’m a victim. Hi, my name is ____ and I am free. I am free. Alcoholism or addiction or victimhood was a season that I walked in, and it is a season that I choose to never walk in again. I am free in Jesus and the purpose he has laid out for me. I do not have to be controlled by my past. My name is ___ and I am free.
I can’t tell you how freeing this was for me. Because it’s true. Even if part of me wonders if I could responsibly drink again, even if my mind wanders to what-ifs occasionally, I know that I won’t ever drink again because it doesn’t serve me. It doesn’t serve my purpose. Drugs, abusive relationships, porn, victimhood, alcohol, obesity…all of these things or mindsets do not serve us. If you are stuck in this, it is by choice. And as hard as that may be to swallow, it's true. Alcoholism was a season that I walked in for half of my life. It was my choice to stay there. I chose alcohol because it was easier than getting help. It was easier than learning to cope. Alcoholism was a season. A season that was extremely hard to claw my way out of. It is also a season that I gained invaluable life lessons. It is a season that set me up for helping others. It is a season that allowed me to find my purpose. And it’s a season that I will never walk in again.

My name is Caley, and I am free.
Kommentare