Mom-ing Sober

How many fears did I have getting sober? SO MANY. I feel like I am constantly saying "one of the biggest fears I had when I decided to get sober was [fill in the blank]." One of the many was my fear of turning in to a horrible mom. Yes, you read that right... I had an addiction, and I was worried about turning into a bad mom if I gave it up. Um, were you high? Nope, just drunk.

I have always talked to my children about the hazards of drugs and alcohol and the risk of addiction to those substances, and here I was - an alcoholic scared to get sober because I was convinced I wouldn't be a good mom without it. Let me explain...

Basically who I felt like

This is how my days looked: I would wake up groggy, slightly hungover, and in a fog. I would take an anti-depressant to kind of balance myself out. Then I would spend my day putting all of my energy into trying to be patient with my family while trying not to count down the hours until it was wine o'clock. Trying is the key word. All day I was slightly irritable, impatient, and so boring. Why? Because I was focused on the wrong things, and it took a lot of effort for me to be present and participate in life. Crafts, coloring, playing games, allowing the kids to cook or bake with me, etc? Everything felt like a chore. Between work, actual chores, and stressing about the wine in the fridge, I didn't have the mental capacity to enjoy those things... Until I had a drink. Once I had a drink, I felt like I could do anything. I felt relief. I could relax. My impatience and irritability were gone. I was a "yes" mom with alcohol. Everyone wanted to play Monopoly? Heck yes! One of the kids wanted to help in the kitchen? Absolutely! The spilled ingredients, under-mixed batter, and extra time it took didn't matter anymore. The kids had a blast, and I felt like super mom. Bed times went smoothly because I didn't have the need to be impatient. I'd already over indulged.

From my perspective, the day time me (AKA the sober me) was an irritable, impatient, and incredibly boring mom. That was me, and I didn't want to be her. The alcohol allowed me to be the person I wanted to be. The alcohol created the fun. The alcohol created the good moments. The alcohol was freedom. And I was mom-ing my best while under its influence. So, can you understand why I was scared to be sober? No, probably not. Honestly, I hope not because to my sober-self my drunk-self sounds like she's desperately reaching for any excuse to not to do the right thing. And that's exactly what I was doing. I was making ANY excuse in the book not to do the right thing and get sober.

I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again...one of the greatest blessings of hiding my alcoholism so well is that my kids were never negatively effected by it. So, when I got sober I made a pact with myself: My children were not going to be negatively effected by my sobriety. I was going to put all of my effort into being a better version of myself. I would focus on being present. I would be patient. I would be the fun mom that I wanted to be. I would agree to the picnics, the ultimate frisbee, the baking, and the crafts. I would say YES when they asked me to be present in the moment.

Did I do it? Have I kept my promise to myself? Yes, I have. I still have days where I'm not the most patient, but I no longer feel the stress and anxiety I did over my ability to be a good mom. How do I do it? First of all, I made sure that I was taking time for myself. My morning's are when I have time to myself to invest in the person I am and the person I want to be. My morning routine sets the tone for my entire day. If you haven't, I suggest reading Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. Also, to make sure I didn't get complacent (or become super lame) I added “Say YES” to my goals under “Being a Great Mom”. I have to say “yes” a minimum of 9 times a week. This can be to reading a book, playing a game, having them cook with me, playing football, etc. Things that sometimes stress me out because of my “lack of time” AKA “horrible prioritizing” take precedence over everything else. When my children ask me to take a moment and be present with them, it's natural for me to say yes now.

Just remember, in order to be the best version of ourselves, we must invest in ourselves! I've learned to take the time to care for and grow myself first and foremost. Investing in myself allows me to invest in those around me. What goals do you have and how would investing in yourself help you to reach those?