It seems like the movement against "Mommy Wine Culture" is rearing it's head again, and I could not be more excited. I posted this months ago, but I think it's an important one to update and share again...
At this point in time we have all heard about “mommy wine culture”, and if you haven’t heard about it you have definitely seen it. Mommy Wine Culture is this odd movement that glamorizes functioning alcoholism. All around us there are cutesy signs, shirts, mugs, etc. glorifying the idea that drinking to get through time with your kids and life is okay.
To insinuate that you can’t parent or be around your kids without being inebriated is extremely sad.
“I wine because my kids whine”
“This might be wine” on tumblers
“Mommy juice"
“Mommy fuel”
Yoga classes with wine.
Art classes with wine.
Kids’ parties with wine.
When you are bombarded with this culture, you start to think it’s normal.
My kids are downright awesome, and I can honestly say that I never felt that I needed to drink to get through time with them. That being said, I did think that I needed alcohol to loosen up to be a fun mom. I also thought that by drinking with other moms, and by convincing myself that this "culture" was cute and fun, we would have something in common, and then I could build that "tribe" everyone was pushing so hard. Maybe I could be a part of the fitness mom groups who go wine tasting together, or the baseball moms cheers-ing at the local game, or the playground moms who "may or may not" have booze in their cup...
Little known fact: It is extremely hard for me to make friends (I’m just not that outgoing), but when it comes to other moms I have an extra difficult time. When I had Weston, I was only 20 and over the years the many “tips”, backhanded compliments, and gossip passed around based on my age definitely did not make me feel accepted or welcome. Was it all of the moms? No, definitely not, but it only takes a few to instill doubt in yourself and for someone who already struggled with insecurity it was brutal, so I stopped trying.
The fact that so many other moms were engrossed in “mommy wine time” and it was deemed “acceptable” and the “in” thing made it SO easy to tell myself this was a normal way of life. This was an easy way to fit in with a fun group of moms.
So, it's no surprise that when I chose to get sober I had SO MANY fears and (sadly enough) one of them was the fear of missing out and losing friends. I would be missing out on fitting in with all these other awesome tipsy moms (go ahead and insert a really hard facepalm here). I won’t lie, being sober was difficult at first and sometimes it still is. I did feel like I was missing out on something. This alcoholic culture was still smack dab in my face from so many angles: friends, social media, stores, radio, clothing, restaurants, ads, etc. and trying to detox in the midst of other people romanticizing this thing that was so damaging to me was flipping hard.
Once I stopped drinking and those rosé colored glasses were off, I realized that I didn’t need alcohol to get through anything. Alcohol wasn't making it any easier to fit in. It wasn't making life any easier at all. Now, looking back, the entire thing just makes my heart hurt. I honestly don’t believe most people are drinking to survive time with their kids. I think these moms/parents are like me and have lost focus on who they are as a person. Everyone wants to be accepted, and we are so busy trying to figure out what everyone else thinks we should be, that we don’t think about what we want and need. We don’t need alcohol to cope, we need an outlet for self care.
The culture our society romanticizes and promotes is toxic.
We need to build confidence, instill security, and accept that we are all worthy and amazing.
I know who I am, and I know who I want to be. It took me a long time to figure it out, but once I did I was able to focus on me - my priorities and what I truly wanted for myself. I no longer need a drink, another mom, or society to tell me what will make me happy. Was it easy to get here? No. Is it worth it? 100% Yes.
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