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What if we don't survive it?

One of the most common questions I receive is "What if my relationship doesn't survive my recovery?" It comes in many different forms...

"What if my partner isn't supportive?"

"What if my partner becomes resentful?"

"What if my partner continues to drink?"

"What if my partner feels like he has to quit too?"

"What if my partner doesn't like me anymore?"

"What if my partner..."

Something that I have learned over the last few weeks, and something that I am still working on, is to always anticipate good things. When you anticipate and brace for the worst, you won't recognize or be thankful for the best.

I do this with small things. When we are traveling, I will find myself anticipating a negative experience. I brace myself for traffic or delays, for bad weather, for a grumpy family member or an argument that is surely going to happen. I brace myself for the worst possible experience.

I do this with big things. When I decide to put myself well outside of my comfort zone by speaking publicly, I anticipate failure. I brace myself for horrible outcomes, worst case scenarios, and all of the negative feedback. I brace myself for the worst.

Because I am anticipating and bracing myself for the worst case scenarios, I am living in a fearful and negative state up until the moment of execution. Up until the moment we take off or I speak out publicly, I am manifesting fear and negativity. And guess what? That fear and negativity takes away from the experience. When it's done, I can't even recognize that the trip went smoothly because I was anticipating the worst. I can't recognize and celebrate my win because it's just a relief that I didn't fail. AND when it does go great, the bad parts still stick out the most because that's what I was focused on before it even began! And those "I knew that would happen" thoughts only reaffirm the negativity in my head for the next time.

So, my answer to the question "what if my partner..." is this: Trust and anticipate the best. Trust that God has a plan for you and your partner. Trust that you are both going to heal and grow in your recovery. Trust that your partner is going to continue standing by your side. Trust that you are worthy of their love and their support. And anticipate the best. Anticipate good things in your relationship. Anticipate a relationship that is stronger than it was before. Anticipate the love and support that will come from your partner.

When you believe in the good you will see the good. So choose to anticipate and trust in the good things coming to you.


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