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Dear God 1/12/2016

January 12, 2016


Grant me the strength and patience to have a good day today. Enable me to enjoy each moment you have given me and to savor the time with my family. Please help me to remember that my children are a blessing from you, and I should treat them as such. 

Guide me on the right path. Please show me how I am to glorify you. School is destroying my peace and confidence. Why am I losing my vision of accomplishment? I need to finish so my family can have security when Travis leaves the military. I'm scared and overwhelmed. Show me what to do and where to go. 

Thank you for everything you have blessed me with today. Stay with me please and keep all depression at bay.

In 2016 I started keeping prayer journals. I was struggling with alcohol and depression, and journaling my thoughts and my feelings seemed terrifying. So I started a prayer journal instead. Talking to God has always come easily, so writing to him seemed safe. I was able to get express fears, my pleas, my gratitude, my heart. It didn't heal me, but it was healing all the same.

I was a mom of three. My husband was in the military, and they were talking about medically retiring him. I was trying to finish court reporting school. I was struggling with things that weren't even my burden to bear...and I was drowning. I was drowning in loneliness because that's what my fear, my shame, and my guilt told me: I needed to keep my struggles to myself because I should have it all together. I should be stronger. I should be a better wife. I should be a better mom. I should have more faith. And because of this, I believed that I was alone.

Mental illness and addiction are awful and they do not discriminate... You are not alone in this!!

You don't need to have it all together.

You are stronger than your fears.

God will lift you up even when your faith is weak.

You don't have to do and be everything for everyone.

You are more than enough.

And you are SO loved.

Please don't give up. Keep fighting. There is so much beauty on the other side.


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