This week I had to say my final goodbye to my Grandma. My intention was to go in and stay upbeat and calm and happily talk to her about life and my favorite memories, just like any other visit. The second I saw her though, my heart broke. A lifetime of memories came flooding back, and as I knelt at her side and held her hand, the only thing I could think to say was "Hi Grandma... I'm so excited for you to finally go home. You can't take too long, Grandpa's been waiting on you." I cried both happy and sad tears as I held her hand and told her how thankful I was for her. I recounted stories of moments we shared together, both for her and for my family, as we sat in her sweet presence. Because that's who she was, she was the sweetest most gentle woman you'll have ever met. Leaving her yesterday, knowing it was my final goodbye, was so painful. But yesterday morning I woke up to find out that she had had passed peacefully in the night, and as much as it hurt, I was also so thankful. Thankful that I made it in time to say goodbye, thankful that she didn't linger in hospice, and thankful that she is no longer a prisoner to the Alzheimers that took her from us long ago. She's in heaven, memory back, smiling with my grandpa again... exactly where she belongs.
Growing up, we went to my grandparents' house once a month every month for as long as I can remember. Those once a month visits were for "Family Birthdays". Family Birthdays was a tradition that my grandparents started where everyone in the family all got together at their house to celebrate everyone who had a birthday that month. My grandparents had seven children, which meant quite a few sons and daughters-in-law, which led to a lot of grandchildren, who eventually provided a handful of great-grandchildren too. That is A LOT of people (and birthdays)! Family Birthdays provided a chance for the entire family to come together to catch up and spend time together. As kids, one of our favorite pastimes in my grandparent's home was to "sneak" upstairs and snoop around at all the cool things they had. Really, there was no sneaking - they always knew we went up there because we always ended up asking them about something we had found (not very sneaky). We also loved to sneak go into my grandparents bedroom and crawl under the squeaky saloon style doors that led from their bedroom to their bathroom. Other than my grandma's pretty dresses, there was nothing exciting to look at, it was just fun being in their space. Family Birthdays provided a lot of core memories, from Grandma's angel food cake to Grandpa's famous chicken drumsticks, to the Michael Angelo Bible we'd peak through just to chuckle over the naked cherubs, not to mention the perfect chaise lounger that sat the corner for naps (that was an addition later on in my childhood and definitely one of the best).
Their house was one of the places I have always loved the most. It was safe and comfortable and truly full of love. I actually had the privilege of living there my senior year of high school. To be honest, I wish I had made a better effort to spend more quality time with both of my grandparents during that year, but we don't really think about things like that as teenagers. Nevertheless, I am so glad that I had the opportunity to live with them, and I am so thankful for the time I did spend with them. I also got to experience being parented by my grandma, and let me tell you, she was the sweetest. My grandma would make sure I had a lunch every single day. She'd prep little roast beef or ham sandwiches every few days and put them in the freezer (and when I decided to try being vegetarian, she switched to peanut butter and jelly), then she'd make little baggies of trail mix and put that and a piece of fruit or some other healthy snack in a brown paper bag (with a napkin of course), and when she thought I was getting too skinny, she started adding peanut butter M&Ms to the trail mix (it still makes me chuckle). Every morning I'd come downstairs to that sitting on the counter for me along with a box of cereal in the hopes I'd "finally eat breakfast". One of my favorite memories of that entire year, was one of the many times she insisted I sit down for dinner (I was usually working, with friends, or at practice) and she made me a "fish sandwich" - 4 fish sticks baked to perfection with a slice of cheese and a little mustard on some toasted bread - looking back on that dinner, I think it was the best fish sandwich I've ever had.
Honestly, I could go on and on... road-trips, every grandparents day at school, the beautiful roses she grew, her and my grandpa together, when I was like 5 and she let me try her coffee and I thought I was going to die, the way she handled babies like they were unbreakable little flapjacks, the tunes she whistled in the kitchen, the tidbits of advice and insight she'd deliver with kindness and respect, her sweet demeanor and strong faith... She was the best, and that's exactly what I told her... "one day, I'm going to be a grandma, and my goal is to be just like you." I will be kind and loving, and I will be a safe haven for them. Because that's what both of my grandparents were. They were a safe haven for all of us - for their children, their grandchildren, their great-grandchildren, and anyone we ever brought around - they were a safe, kind, welcoming team. It wasn't their actual house that held the love, it was them. Their house was just the place that they got to love on and take care of everyone. They made it what it was, and I will forever be thankful for every single moment I got to spend with both of them...
Until we meet again.
Yorumlar