As many of you know, Travis and I are in week four of our Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in San Antonio Del Mar, just southwest of Tijuana, Mexico. Back in November, our entire family felt called to come back here to Mexico and serve in missions full-time. We knew that in order to do so, we had to complete this DTS. What we didn't anticipate was the challenges that would come with it...
The struggle to keep balance here has been extremely hard. All five of us are in some sort of school, we have regular life, chores, and responsibilities on top of that, and making intentional family time (one-on-one and collectively) has been hard to prioritize. Travis and I have a class schedule, but it is not very consistent, which has made sticking to a family schedule very difficult. "Mexico Flexico" is the reigning mantra here, and I've honestly been trying my best, but I feel anxiety and stress creeping in more and more. I think the hardest part is that I'm actually a very go-with-the-flow person, but I'm also respectful of people and their time, and I find the lack of organization and communication here to be... difficult to understand.
Okay, that being said, I've decided that this is a season to embrace imperfection but also set healthy boundaries.
Embracing imperfection does not mean allowing your standards to fall to the wayside and do things that don't align with your values and who you are. I may not have control of what is required of me here in DTS, but I do have control over what I prioritize and when I do it. I also have control over how I react to things in and out of my power.
My biggest stressor right now is time with the kids and their schoolwork. It's extremely hard for Gage and Melody to stay on task and take the initiative to fully complete assignments and study on their own. With the inconsistencies in my schedule, it's been hard for me to stay on top of this. So, instead of solely relying on the time I had scheduled in during the week, I've started also scheduling "emergency" hours into our weekends. Yuck, right? I know. But honestly, this will also help me in so many areas because when I'm not on top of their school or being a present mom, I feel neglectful and I HATE it. So, now, if our schedule doesn't change, then YAY we get everything done during the week and we have our weekends totally free. But, if our schedule does change, then 1. I know I have the time scheduled in and 2. I will be more capable of extending grace to the people controlling the schedule and to myself... because I'm the person I beat up when things fall through the cracks.
Last week, I missed out on quite a bit of time helping the kids with school during the week. So this past weekend, I sat down with Gage for a couple of hours to do school work. I knew that it was the last thing either of us wanted to be doing, so I put extra effort into maintaining patience and keeping the atmosphere light. Travis understood, so he made me and Gage both delicious caramel iced coffees. We rarely even let Gage have a sip of coffee because we don't think it's a great habit to start at 14, so it was definitely a treat that made the extra school time totally worthwhile for him. Really, it doesn't take much to turn a bad situation into something fun (or at least bearable 😉). And, once we were done, we both felt SO much better. Gage no longer felt the stress of not understanding a subject and being behind, and I no longer felt the weight of "failing" by not being available to help him earlier in the week.
As for creating boundaries, these are hard for me because I did make a commitment to this training, and I really dislike feeling like I'm somehow falling short. But, God calls us to be good stewards, and above all else I know that I am called to be a good steward of my children. So when my children are struggling with their school and falling behind because I'm not available to work with them, it's time to make some changes. Boundaries can look differently for everyone. Right now, mine are simply declining last minute changes to my schedule that effect my family and taking time when needed to put intentional time in with my children.
Beyond being available and helping my kids with their school work, the most important (and easiest) thing I have purposely done over the last few weeks is listen when the kids talk. It doesn't matter what they're telling me about, my phone is put in my back pocket, and I listen to them. Half the time they're telling me about a soccer game, a new friend, or something I don't understand in the least, but the simple act of listening and being engaged in the conversation means the world to them. Some weeks you just don't have the ability to set aside a large chunk of time to sit down with each kid 1:1, little intentional conversations throughout the day go a long way.
LASTLY, because I don't want any of this to negatively impact our family's experience or God's plan for us, I am working to see God and his purpose in everything. When I come up against something I find difficult, I am committed to pausing and asking "God, where are you in this?" Because he's there. Even when we don't see or hear him, he's present and just that moment of asking will be calming and bring me peace.
Okay, so...
Simple Strategies & Takeaways:
Prioritize "Emergency" Time for Connection: Instead of feeling frustrated when things don’t go as planned, schedule in buffer time on weekends for anything that didn’t fit in during the week—schoolwork, heart-to-heart talks, or just being present. This allows you to relax, knowing there's a fallback plan.
Focus on What You Can Control: Accept that many aspects of life are out of your hands. Focus on being consistent with the small routines you can control—like morning check-ins with the kids or a 10-minute family prayer time. These small acts can provide stability even in a chaotic environment.
Extend Grace to Yourself: It’s easy to be hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. Remember that grace isn’t just for others—it’s for us too!! When things fall through the cracks, give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend in a similar situation.
Reframe the Unexpected as an Opportunity: "God, where are you in this?" You can also try to see last-minute changes as a chance for creativity rather than an interruption. If it allows extra time, it could be a spontaneous game night, walk down to the corner store, or an extra hang-out session with the kids. Turning these disruptions into special moments when possible can make them feel less stressful. And, if these changes negatively impact you or your family, use discerment and say no if needed.
Celebrate the Wins—Big and Small: Whether it’s getting through a homeschool lesson, having an uninterrupted conversation with one of the kids, or simply making it through a week of your version of "Mexico Flexico," take time to acknowledge those wins. This helps keep your focus on the progress you're making.
This is very new, and I'm always up for insight and tips! So, feel free to let me know how you find balance when things start to feel out of control!
PS - I thought about not sharing the hardships here because I don't want to complain and be negative... we were called here to learn and to serve, but that doesn't mean every waking moment is going to be enjoyable. Also, why have a personal blog if I can't share my honest feelings and opinions? And, sometimes it's just nice to know you're not alone when things go sideways ✌️
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